On the Surface

Some of you may know we are trying to sell our house right now. I was cleaning our house like a madwoman on Friday for a showing we were having, and I realized how good I was at making things look clean on the surface. I have the ability to "stage" a house so that it looks like it is immaculate. I hide away the bills, school papers, pictures, and dog bowl. Other things sometimes get thrown in the dryer. I wipe up the wall marks and dust really quickly with those new wipes. It lasts at least until after the showing. And I know to put away half of my kitchen counter so it looks like a hotel. Please don't think I'm bragging, because those thoughts quickly led me to the realization that often I do that same thing with the other areas in my life. For so long I wanted to look like I had it all together and wasn't struggling with self control, perfectionism, pride...

I read a book called "The 12 Steps for a Recovering Pharisee...Like Me", and it changed my mindset. I am a recovering pharisee, too. I have worried about how what I say makes me look. I have worried about what I wear and what others will think of me because of my look. I have thought too much about impressing others. I have to work hard at stripping back the layers of pride and perfectionistic thinking that have been built up and really let people see the real, vulnerable Denise. I almost said "weak", but I am not weak. I have weaknesses, but I am strong. My strength comes from the Lord, and it is only when I allow myself to be real and vulnerable that He can make me strong!

I would suggest the book if you haven't read it. More importantly, I would highly suggest trying out the "being real" thing. Don't wear makeup for a day. Don't worry about making sure you look or sound just right to others. Just let people see you for who you are. Zits and all. As hard as it is to start, the freedom it allows is pretty amazing.