Chronic Illness

I promised to be vulnerable on here, and I ask you would be too. I'm going to hold up my end of the bargain. I've been going through a struggle the past week or two. You know that back and forth in your head thing we all go through where one side says, "But it's a good idea" and the other side says, "But I'm scared" and so on. Well, here's my dilemna. Let me know if you can relate.

My feet, hands, and legs have been hurting really badly over the past month. I think mostly due to weather (and probably stress if I'm being totally transparent here). At the same time I'm re-reading an email I received a few months ago from some dear friends in New York who have found a specialist in irisology (I can explain this later if you want) who would like to see me when he's in town for a conference in February. I have his number, and I'm supposed to call him. Doesn't sound like much of a dilemna, does it?

You see, I haven't been to a doctor in over 2 years, because I got to the point where I was completely spent and done with having to tell the story over and over again only to have them say "huh, that's weird." You think I'm kidding, but if I had a $1 for every time a doctor has said that to me in the last 5 years, I'd be able to pay for my kids' college by now.

So the thought of opening up that door again makes me want to run the other way. Yes, I do want to get better, and I know there is a slim chance that could happen with this doctor. But the roller coaster of emotions you go through when they think they've figured it out and they put you through another round of tests, then on yet another medicine that either does nothing or gives you awful side effects...well, it's really hard to gear yourself up for that after 5 years.

Sometimes it's just not worth it. On the other hand, if God has brought this doctor across my path to allow healing in my life, I certainly don't want to miss out. So I guess the moral of the story is, sometimes you have to step out and be uncomfortable and vulnerable and trust that God will not give you more than you can handle, because He may just have another miracle waiting in the wings. I'd appreciate your prayers for courage as I call him...maybe...today.